It’s the eve of my twin brother and I’s 21st birthday, and although I’m still young, my life has been a huge roller-coaster so far! I’m so proud of myself for what I’ve achieved over the last 21 years, and I can’t wait to see what the next 21 have in store for me. Which is why, before I celebrate our birthday, I’ve decided to reflect on some of the things I’ve learned during the last two decades, and share with you 21 things that I’ve learned upon reaching 21. Enjoy!
1. Life isn’t a race
Especially since starting university, I’ve learnt that things take time, and everyone has a different path. Some of my old classmates from school are now parents, some of them are engaged and some of them are, like me, still in education. But the fact is that life isn’t supposed to be linear, because if it was, it wouldn’t be worth living. I’ve learned to realise that it’s important to just stop, take a moment and look at the world around you, and remind yourself that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
2. It’s okay to say ‘no’
Despite how hard this is for me, I’ve learnt over the years how important it is. This doesn’t mean that you can disrespect your parents if they ask you to do something for them – but it does mean that, if necessary, it’s okay to put yourself first every once in a while.
I’m a huge pushover, and I can think of countless scenarios in my life where I should have told someone no. It’s painful for me to let someone down, and as a result I’ve swum oceans for people who wouldn’t jump a puddle for me – but it’s made me realise that no matter how many things you do for someone, they are always going to remember the one thing you don’t. So to sum up, it’s important to give all you can, but don’t lose yourself in the process…
3. Money feels better to spend when you’re the one making it
I’m incredibly fortunate to have parents who made sure that I never went without things, and I’m hugely grateful for everything that they’ve provided me with over the years. But anyone who makes money – and spends money for that matter – will know that money feels so much better to spend when you’ve worked for it.
There’s nothing like buying something you’ve wanted for so long and thinking ‘I’ve earned this’. Regardless of what it is, buying something with the money I’ve made gives me a sense of accomplishment, and after turning 21 I hope to constantly be able to say ‘I work hard, so I deserve this’.
4. Change is good
Change is constant, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. One of the hardest lessons I’ve been faced with throughout my life, a lesson that I’m still learning, is realising that change is healthy. If life was a constant routine it would be boring, and if you don’t embrace change it’s hard to grow. Change keeps us on our toes, and I’m learning to see difference as a positive thing, as it constantly gives us a new aspect of life to explore.
5. Failure is good
This doesn’t mean that it’s okay to slack off and disregard your commitments. It means that if at some point you didn’t get the mark you hoped for, or you lost out on that promotion etc etc, it’s not the end of the world – what’s important is how you deal with it. According to J.K. Rowling (who knows a thing or two about failure after being rejected by 12 publishers before Harry Potter hit the shelves):
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all – in which case, you have failed by default.”
In other words, don’t be scared of failure, because it’s a core part of life. Failure is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to define you – so pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again, because the only thing that can come from failure is success.
6. Every day is a blessing
This lesson goes back to the very day I was born – September 19, 1997. After being born more than two months premature and spending weeks in hospital incubators, weighing no more than a bag of sugar, I know that every day we have on Earth is a gift. Which is why I’m determined to make every day count. Work hard, play harder, and make the most of every day – because you never know which one will be your last.
7. Small things can have big impacts
This works both ways – anything you do or say, whether it be positive or negative, can have an impact on someone. For example, if you help an older person cross the road, then they will remember that random act of kindness and it will make their day. However, if you do or say something to upset someone, it will impact them in a more negative way. I’ve been on the receiving end of acts of both kindness and unkindness, and I’ve learnt that they stay with you – so treat everyone how you want to be treated, and you never know whose day you’ll make that little bit brighter.
8. A test score doesn’t define your intelligence
I’ve had high grades and I’ve had low grades, and although at the time I felt like a letter on a piece of paper determined if I was clever or not, this isn’t the case. Everyone learns in different ways, so there’s really no accuracy in determining a group of people’s intelligence by giving them all the same test, despite it being ‘fair’. And I know this isn’t how the education system works, but if you give a journalist and an engineer the task of solving a quadratic equation, or the task of turning a press release into a full news article, you can bet that one will find it easier than the other. Like Albert Einstein observed:
“Everybody is a Genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
So I’m no longer worried about my C in Maths, because my A* in English strongly makes up for it. We all struggle in some areas, but we excel in others, so it’s important to realise that a bad grade doesn’t mean that you’re unintelligent – it means you have a talent outside the standard curriculum, and that’s impressive.
9. People come and go
One of the main things I’ve realised, especially since leaving school and going to university, is that not everyone stays with you for life. Granted, I have friends who have been with me since day one, and other friends from school and elsewhere that I still have a relationship with, and I’m forever grateful to them. However, it was hard for me to accept that some of the people I spent five days a week in school with for however many years, didn’t end up sticking around – and this can be for any number of reasons.
Some of the people I met during Freshers’ Week are people I have no contact with anymore, and that’s just life. The point is that not everyone you meet in life is meant to be there forever, and what’s important is the positive impact they had on you whilst they were.
10. Life is short
This is pretty self-explanatory. Cherish every day, spread love and be thankful for who and what you have, because you never know when it might get taken away. So hug your family, eat that second slice of cake, and book that last minute flight away to your dream destination. You only get one life, so live it to the full.
11. Family is the most precious thing in the world
This is something that I’ve known my whole life, because my family are the funniest, craziest, and most caring people I know. I’m thankful every day that I have loving parents, a supportive brother and four wonderful grandparents – plus an adorable cat (anyone who has ever met Basher can vouch for that). Friends and relationships will come and go, but family is forever, and no matter what you’re going through in life, they are the ones who have your back the most. And while we’re on the subject of family…
12. Mum is always right (mostly)
Call me biased if you wish, but my mum is the most amazing person on the planet, and I probably don’t tell her enough. Regardless of how much of a delight I am and how lucky she is to have me as a daughter, she doesn’t have it easy. I used to hate listening to my mum growing up, and I never used to believe her when she told me something. But now, I’ve realised that she may have been on to something. Mums know things about you before you even know them yourself – she knows which of your friends are loyal, and she knows that if you leave the house without a jacket you’ll freeze.
Granted, my mum has her flaws – I don’t think she’ll ever learn how to use a smartphone properly, and her gin glass is probably a bit too big – but when it comes to her children, she definitely knows her stuff. So mum, know that I love you, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.
13. Not everyone is going to like you
This was a hard lesson to learn, because when you’re nothing but nice to people, it’s difficult to pinpoint what you’ve done to make them think negatively of you. More often than not, you’re not going to change someone’s opinion of you, and if you’re a people-pleaser like me this may be hard for you to accept. But it’s a part of life – so rather than wasting your energy on the one or two people who don’t like you, focus on the countless number of people who love you unconditionally, because they’re the ones who really matter.
14. Not everyone has the same heart as you
You can go to the ends of the earth for someone, but sometimes you have to accept that they just wouldn’t do the same for you. And this doesn’t mean they’re a bad person or a bad friend, and it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do nice things for people, it just means that you shouldn’t always expect to get what you give. Harsh, I know, but that’s just life.
15. Take as many pictures as possible
Now this is something I’ve already mastered, because I already do this, and I get told off for it constantly. But it’s something everyone needs to know.
Memories can fade, but pictures are permanent, and they can capture and tell the story of an amazing time in our lives. When I need cheering up I always look back at old photos and videos, because they bring back wonderful memories and turn my frown upside down. I truly believe that taking pictures is paramount, because one day they will be all we have.
16. Make yourself a priority
Other than my social life (which will soon be taken over by uni), I don’t think I take enough time to prioritise myself. And there are probably a lot of parents, carers and full-time employees out there thinking “you’re only young, what could you possibly have to worry about other than yourself?”, and to an extent it’s true. I don’t have a family to provide for, or an overbearing boss breathing down my neck (yet) – but I do have bills to pay, deadlines to meet and classes to attend, along with seminar prep, assignments, counselling sessions, extra-curriculars and blog posts, all whilst eating healthily, spending time with friends and family and getting eight hours of sleep every night.
And this isn’t me complaining about all of that, because I love where I’m at in life – so I don’t mind being too busy to worry about if I need a haircut or if I could do with losing a few pounds. I used to think it was selfish for me to put myself first every once in a while, but sometimes I deserve it. Many other people may feel like this too, and I can’t stress enough how important it is to put yourself first. Because when you’re constantly watching out for everybody else, who’s watching out for you?
17. It doesn’t matter what people think
I’m still trying to get my head around this, because I care so much about what people think of me, even though I know I shouldn’t. But the fact remains that no matter what you do in life, someone is going to have an opinion about it – so you might as well just do whatever you want. If you stop doing something that makes you happy because of what someone else thinks, then you’re only hurting yourself. So do what you love, and if others have a problem, they’re either jealous or unhappy themselves.
18. It’s okay to ask for help
This only came to me recently. From my GCSE’s onward, I’ve been determined to get through my work myself, especially since being at uni. I wanted to prove I could do everything on my own and be independent, and it’s taken it’s toll. Which is why when it came to having bi-monthly sessions with a counsellor during my second year, I was apprehensive. Because asking for help aside, it meant admitting that I needed help in the first place, and that made me feel weak.
But since then, I’ve realised that asking for help actually makes you stronger. To open yourself up to someone and to trust them to help you takes guts, and it’s important to realise that the people around us are there to lend a hand when we need it. So if you need help, ask your family, ask your friends, ask your partner and ask your teachers, because they’re the best people for the job.
19. Leave the past in the past
You can’t change the past, so worrying about it is a waste of energy. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has rough patches, but they don’t have to define you. The future is still a blank canvas for you to decorate, so leave the past in the past – because, as Alexander Graham Bell rightfully points out:
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
20. Any opportunity you get to travel, TAKE IT
This is an important one for me, because I LOVE to travel. Even if it’s somewhere an hour’s drive away, I love exploring new places and making memories. The list of destinations I want to visit is a mile long, and I can’t wait to tick them all off. Travelling allows you to explore something outside of yourself, and to admire the wonderful world we’ve been given. So I would urge you to travel as much as you are able, because it’s truly one of the greatest experiences you can have.
21. Life is great
I’ve saved the most important for last. You may get a bad grade, you may get your heart broken, and you may feel like the whole world is against you. But those things will heal. You only get one life, and despite the bad days, life is ultimately wonderful. I’ve had my fair share of bad times, but I have a wonderful life, and I’m forever grateful to the people who have made it so.
And that’s it! I’m sure there are many other lessons that I’ve learned throughout my 21 years that I could have included, but these are just the ones I managed to think of. So thank you for reading! Happy 21st birthday to me 🙂
Living the Knight Life 
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